The Joys of Boys!

It's official. Turtle, my sweet, affectionate, sensitive boy, is on his way to juvenile crime. He received not one, but two detentions in one week. As a first-grader! Where did I go wrong?!?!

It all started with a phone call from the school principal. It went something like this:

Principal - "I've got Turtle here in my office. I am very worried about his behavior today."
Me - "What did he do?"
Principal - "He told another boy to open his mouth so he could pee in it."
Me - "Okay."

Now I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. What did my son do that would cause his principal to be so very worried? Did he whip his peanut out? Did he actually pee on the other kid?

Principal - "He's going to need to stay after school for ten minutes for detention today."

Wait a second! What did he do to get detention? At this point, I'm still waiting to hear what horrible thing my son did. It turns out that was it. He told another boy he was going to pee on him.

After laughing a good ten minutes, I call everyone to let them know (and to make sure I wasn't making too light of a serious issue.) Thankfully, I wasn't crazy and everyone agreed the school over-reacted.

J picked him up after detention, told the teacher that he thought they went a little overboard, and then took Turtle to the store to get a videogame. Now before anyone gets up-in-arms about J rewarding him for getting in trouble at school...Turtle had to wait until the next day to play it because he got detention.

So, then a couple of days later I pick Turtle up and he tells me he got detention again. What did he do this time?

Turtle - "X farted on me, so I farted on him back."

Because the detention slip said "very disrespectful behavior" and because Turtle doesn't always remember all the details (not to mention I was pissed if that really was the reason he got detention), I decided to go get the details from his teacher.

So that conversation went a little like this:

Me - "I'd like to know why Turtle has detention again."
Teacher - "Well, X farted on Turtle and he farted back."
Me - "So he got detention for farting?"

I must have given her an incredulous look. Here's where the story changes:

Teacher - "Oh, they were being rude to a teacher outside at recess."
Me - "I thought he farted on X?"
Teacher - "Well, I wasn't really there. This is just what I was told. He was being rude to a teacher and the farting was the last straw. I can find out for sure and let you know."

So, I get a note the next day saying he got detention because X farted on him and Turtle chased him down the hall trying to fart back.

Hmmm, so which was it?

A. He farted on a boy in the classroom.
B. He was rude to a teacher outside.
C. He chased a boy down the hall trying to fart on him.

I am inclined to believe it was A. They had to make it sound more serious when they saw that J and I thought they were being ridiculous.

So, my seven year old boy got in trouble for threatening to pee on someone and for farting on someone. What the hell?

Have children changed so much? I'm a girl, but I clearly remember bodily-function humor from last week, err I mean when I was a kid. Puke, snot, poop, pee, farts, boogers...it was all discussed at one time or another. Is it really such a cause for concern? I turned out fairly okay.

So, now I have to make sure Turtle only farts on his brother. I just hope he didn't tell anyone about how they pee on each other in the shower!