CIO...Makes Me Cry

Yes, I am one of those mothers. I let my children sleep in bed with me. They have since they were born. In fact, J got yelled at by a nurse in Key West when we were sleeping with Frog the night he was born. I love my hubby...he told the nurse that it was his child and he would sleep with him despite what she said.

We had good intentions with Turtle *snort!* He had a nursery room all set up...crib, changing table, the works. We even painted the walls (in a military house, so that should tell you something.) Guess how many nights he slept in it? About 20 minutes. Nope, he didn't even make it one night. The changing table never got used either, but that's another story. Poor Frog didn't get a nursery room at all. He never even had a crib.

It just seems so unnatural to me for someone not to sleep with their child. A baby is with you for nine months...he hears your heartbeat, your voice, all the noises around you. He's warm and comfortable. He's never alone. And then after he is born, you throw him into an empty room by himself and expect him to soothe himself to sleep. This just seems cruel to me and goes against every mothering instinct I have. I want to comfort my children and snuggle with them.

The US is one of the few countries who has separate places for parents and children to sleep. I don't know if it is selfishness on the parent's part or if they think they are helping their children become "independent."

I keep hearing "if you let them sleep with you, they'll never leave." Do people really think their kids will be in their bed until college? Turtle left our bed for his own when he was four years old. Frog is three years old now and is starting to show signs of leaving. Both of my boys are wonderful sleepers. Neither have nightmares (and if you saw the movies they watch, you'd be surprised), they sleep through the night. And most importantly, when they are tired, they go to bed!

The reason I brought this topic up is because on some of the message boards I belong to CIO has been brought up a lot lately. For those who don't know, CIO means "cry it out." You put your child in his crib and leave him there to cry until he falls asleep. Supposedly, each night he is supposed to cry a little bit less until finally he doesn't cry anymore. Then it is considered a success. To me, it is more like the child has given up. He trusted his mother (or father) to come and comfort him, but eventually he realizes that they won't come. It's like he has been abandoned and defeated. I read these posts where the mothers are proud that their child "only" cried ten minutes that night. I just want to snatch their children up and cuddle them. I seriously feel sad for them. I want to say something to them, but my views are not very popular. I don't think anyone wants to be told that they might be wrong and I don't want to start any arguments.

I am not looking forward to when Frog leaves the bed and I still miss having Turtle in there. When J's away, sometimes Turtle will come in bed with Frog and I, but not very often. I can't wait until we have baby #3 so our bed will be full again. Thank goodness we have a king-size!!